Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

To me.

The Happy Light Jon ordered for me Monday night came this morning, just in time for me to sit in front of it for thirty almost peaceful moments this morning with breakfast and (paper) journaling. This is to help treat the mixed state depression I have been going through very bad lately. Winter is rough on me. I can't take anti-depressants for a number of reasons so I am hopeful about this. It is quite enjoyable, the light itself and the routine of it could be. I haven't actually written in my paper journal since the day before I found out I was pregnant! First I was too shell shocked and then simply too sick and just out of the habit.

It was a good habit that I am going to try and get back into. It is one of the many things I am doing to try and feel better.

I have the block that can barely be seen in this photo almost completed then I have a small block to carve. Then printing. I am hoping to have all my carving done tonight. We have gotten in the routine of giving blee a nice bath then massage before bed and it is going quite well. Last night she slept her longest stretch yet, eight full hours. This after a horrible night before when she kept waking up every hour and a half or so all night. So far tonight is looking good.

Oh and I was featured on Trunkt the other day. I logged on to take down a sold piece and there I was on the homepage. This is the second time that I know of.

So she is MINE after all!

Daughter like the mother
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

Both of us when we were fresh side by side. So much the same yet so different at the same time.

She was so tiny with such skinny little legs not the ham hams she has now!

I've been feeling a bit run down. I ordered a bunch of washi samples to play with on Tuesday or Wednesday and I am hoping they show up soon. Right now I don't know if I should start a new pattern block to carve (it has been drawn) or print. I always seem to have new things to carve, often things that take quite some time to complete and I can't get them done quick enough. And Jon is very busy with work stuff right now so that leaves me with even less time for art and for the whole Christmas selling season blah blah.

Have a good weekend. I will try to.

My First Day alone

Summer Sea
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

Good Monday morning to everybody. Seems that I am down to blogging only once or twice a week at this point, but considering I have a three week old I think that is pretty good!

Yesterday I was hoping to get the big crazy block finished, but that didn't work out but at least I did make progress and if blee behaves on our fist weekday alone together I should be able to get it down. I am feeling fairly well rested.

While I don't have anything new (yet) I do have this newly listed older piece from July. I was feeling so sick at the end of the pregnancy that I never got to listing a bunch of things. Since I am doing the big art fair the JP Open Studios on Saturday and Sunday this week may be the last week to buy some of my pieces. Last year I sold quite a bit of work. My shop will be technically open since I really don't have time to put over one hundred pieces into edit mode, but it will be shut down all weekend since I am bringing everything to the event. Please refrain from purchasing on those days unless you are willing to accept that the piece may not be available and the order will have to be canceled.

I also have a possible wholesale order in the works and that spurs me on to make new work as soon as possible. If blee goes down early tonight, tomorrow or Wednesday and stays down I may have to treat myself to a printing session. That would be fantastic. That way not only would I have new pieces to bring to the art show but also offer the wholesale person first.

Speaking of blee that kid is growing like crazy. She's a total fatty! This morning in under three hours she has downed ten ounces of milk. She's getting so big that she is difficult for me to hold, she could easily be pushing ten pounds at this point. And her head has grown a lot too. I would post a picture but the little beast is sleeping and I don't want to do anything that has even a chance of waking her. She's probably want to eat yet again. I'm having the hardest time keeping up with her appetite. But rest assured she is the cutest fatty ever with darling rolls all over her body and a nice Buddha belly.

Jon is about to leave for work for the first time since the birth. I have been very lucky to have him here full time the first week, part time working from home the second and full time working from home last week. On Saturday I handled most of her care for an extended period of time so while I am nervous I should be okay.

He is certainly going to miss her.

His parents get here Thursday night. His mother is going to be even more smitten with her when she meets here. They will be here on her month birthday. They grow up so fast!

Fast and Furious!

Marissa and baby
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

Welcome back from the weekend, hope it was fantastic for all. Though I don't think any of you could have me beat at this point for wonderfully eventful weekends! Little blee (or maybe not so little?) finally decided to enter the outside world at 7:14pm on Sunday night, and boy was she in a hurry to get here after those 12 extra days cooped up!

We went in for some pre-induction treatment at the hospital to help make the scheduled induction on Monday go easier on Sunday morning. The first treatment didn't seem to do much, we went and ate lunch across the street before coming back and getting a second dosage. There was even talk of the possibility of getting a 3rd dose before sending me home! After about a half hour of lying down I started having contractions and they came on quite strong right off the bat and got pretty serious (as in painful) very quickly. After about an hour of this we spoke with the midwife that was treating me and decided that this most likely was just the side effect of the treatment and would wear off. The pattern did not fit true labor and I had not progressed much closer. We decided to go home where I could take a bath and generally be more comfortable.

We were home and Jon was helping me with my breathing for close to two hours before I decided that this could be the real deal after all since even though it was still very erratic it was getting worse not better so when I was able to talk I had Jon call the hospital and they had us come right in. We arrived at the hospital around 6:15pm and they were ready to admit me right away. I was wheeled up to labor and delivery screaming for pain meds. Screaming for the epidural. I nearly cried when they told me that I had to be examined first as I wanted them to stick that epidural needle in my back right then and there if they would it hurt so badly.

Around 6:45 my water finally broke as the nurses were helping me get into a gown (or a Johnny as they like to call them here). By seven I was being examined and told that while I could receive an epidural the baby was so close to being born that I could have the baby by the time they got it for me. And that pushing would help direct and ease the pain more than breathing. I was absolutely terrified of the prospect of going drug free as this had never been my plan this entire pregnancy or even pre-pregnancy! But I wanted this over with as soon as possible.

With the midwife that had just gotten on duty delivering the baby, the midwife that had taken care of me all day and was on her way out when I came in cheering me on and applying wet towels to my face, two nurses and the one whose fault this was keeping me focused and motivated I did it! After thirteen minutes of pushing we had a large, healthy baby girl to hold and worry about for the rest of our lives. When she decided to come she didn't waste any time! I was in total shock for the rest of the night. Alexandra Lee Swinghammer was born at 7:14pm weighing 8.6 pounds and 20 inches. She made sure right away to let us know that her lungs work!

I feel fantastic! We had a great first day yesterday and we are both very smitten. She is already daddy's little girl and has taken quite a shine to being held by and talked to by him. I guess she heard him all the time he was saying "hi baby!" to my belly because she responds very well to his voice and him saying that now. She just loves being talked to in general.

She had her first visitors today. My aunt and her family came and two of Jon's co-workers came by to meet her. And of course her adoring public that is the etc. forum on Etsy that has been waiting to finally meet her was very pleased. I can't wait to show her all the love she already has and had even prior to birth when she is older!

Lots of phone calls lots of change. I seem to be healing quite nicely and quickly. Emotionally I feel very good and hopeful about our future as new parents. And even though it was the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life it feels so good to finally be on the other side of it and be healing instead of getting worse!

I'll be back to making art in no time at all! But for now it is time to bask in the glow of my most beautiful creation.

pssst our camera battery died so we have no pictures from Monday other than the ones that my aunt took and hasn't sent us yet. Here is a photoset that we will be updating with new photos as we get them. The battery is charging now. I need to get some film of Jon with little Alexandra because it is touching.

I just woke up from sleeping and feeding and she is in the nursery while I sent Jon to sleep at home so he could be comfortable. Now I am ready to go back to sleep. When I started this entry I was very awake, now I am sleepy enough to be in danger of some major typos.

Thank you and I love you all! I'll be around!

His Final Days as the Baby

Love Bug
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

I actually had to put something in the bouncy seat for the baby just to keep this little guy from crawling into it. Cute as it is seeing him in it he needs to be kept out of the babies things because soon he will not be the baby anymore. I got him in June of 2000 and he has been with me through a lot and boy is he one moody little guy! But I love him and I hope he handles the adjustment well. Especially since now he is the only cat we have left. Burrito would have been fine with the baby, she was always rather indifferent to changes as long as she had the back of a sofa to sit on she was happy.

I'm ready to have my body back. I know that the labor will probably break my body even worse, but at least then I can start the healing process. Right now I just feel stuck. The idea that I could actually print yesterday was such a pipe dream! It wasn't hot like it is today so I started tidying my studio so I could either print or carve. My press had some junk on it that had to go and so did my desk. After about fifteen minutes of this I was completely exhausted, my hips and back were killing me and my joints hurt. Even sitting wasn't good enough, I needed to lie down. It is very frustrating to say the least. And i feel so guilty for being such a slacker.

Today is my last appointment with the midwife. I'll get checked out to see if I am any further along but I doubt it. Since my midwife Lara wasn't on the schedule I probably won't see her again until after I have had the baby. But the other midwife I have taken a real shining too will be inducing me on Monday so all is not lost.

Today is Jon's last day at work before he takes leave for the baby! At the latest even with a difficult labor we should have her by Tuesday! I get chills thinking about it! We will use these last two days to go over the house for any final preparations and then on Sunday we go in to get things started. I could go into labor then but most likely I will go home to sleep then come back in on Monday for an inducement.

I hope everybody has a great weekend! I will keep things updated as much as possible! Expect baby pictures soon!

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Now playing: Jens Lekman - A Sweet Summer Night On Hammer Hill
via FoxyTunes

The Weekend is Over

Surrounded by Pine Cones
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

It has been so weird not listing anything new for these weeks that the other day I broke down and listed this piece. It is the final pine cone piece I have made. Not the final one period, just the last one that I will probably have for awhile so I figured I should at least get this one up! Making my shop virtually dormant and not listing pieces that I have does feel strange even if it does make sense. I mean the only time I have taken a break since I started in January 2006 was when I was so sick I didn't have anything new to put up. This time it is different. Before I was sick and had nothing, now I have plenty but I am distracted and disconnected. First from baby anticipation and now with this added sadness from our huge loss. But the loss makes me want to do something to distract myself.





I would like to thank everybody for being so wonderfully supportive during this incredibly difficult weekend. Your support really did make a difference in getting us through the days and both of us appreciate it greatly. Even though she was a sick kitty and had been for a long time, this sudden and dramatic turn really caught us off guard. Putting her to sleep yesterday morning was probably the most difficult thing either one of us have ever done. We stayed with her until she was completely sedated. Jon held her in his arms while the sedative took effect so that was her final memory and we feel good about that. On Saturday more than anything I just wanted the day to pass without me going into labor (for once I didn't want it) because I knew that not only would any delay cause her more pain but she was doing so bad and getting worse so fast she could have died during the wait. And her dying in the corner behind the sofa is now that we wanted while I am having my baby! Thank God she got to have some dignity and plenty of love during her final moments. But our time with her was just too short. We're still in shock from it all. The first picture is the last picture I took of Burrito and the second one is the fat and rolly polly happy kitty we would like to remember her as.

Now that ordeal is over with we would really like to welcome the new baby! She will be a week overdue as of tomorrow and as a result we have an ultrasound and destress test scheduled at the hospital on Tuesday morning. They do this every time a woman goes a week overdue to make sure the environment is still safe for the baby, because that becomes an issue with pregnancies that go over term. Since my blood pressure has dropped and stayed stable I am no longer considered high risk and cannot be induced until I hit 41 weeks, but they will not let me go past 42 weeks. I don't want to be having this baby into September! It's okay that she decided not to be a Leo but to be a Virgo instead, but September? If I haven't had the baby when I get the ultrasound I may see if I can schedule an induction that day instead of waiting for my appointment with the Mid Wife on Friday the 31st. It is starting to feel like this baby isn't real and that she is never coming out. Sure she kicks the crap out of me on a nightly basis just to remind me of her realness, but come out already!

If I am feeling up to it and I can get the studio a reasonably cool temperature I am going to try and do some sitdown carving today. I have been so useless for weeks now and it is really getting to me. I get tired very fast. I have to try to get something accomplished, to produce something.

Stressful Day

Butterfly in the City
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

I didn't want to use another baby related picture so I figured I may as well use this piece for this entry since it is one of my more recently listed items. I haven't been listing right now. Being on pause mode and all.

Yesterday pretty much stunk. And now I am up with some minor acid problems but should be able to go back to bed shortly. Not great fun, but I have had worse.

Yesterday after being super stressed out about Jon and his neck problems I crashed and took a nap. I woke up feeling awful with a headache and realized that I hadn't felt the baby kicking since the morning. I did what I am supposed to do and lay on my side and tried counting kicks. I am supposed to get at least six in an hour. A half hour passed and I got nothing. I started freaking out. Jon wanted to put on a DVD while I continued but I was too hysterical by that point. She is normally such an active girl I had these graphic images of a dead baby inside of me stuck in my head. We called the midwife on call and she told me to come into the hospital. This was around five PM.

Jon would randomly scream and cuss while driving because the pain in his neck was so bad. My stress level kept rising. We got there and checked in and as soon as we were sitting in the waiting area I started feeling kicks. Figures! But I still wanted to get checked out. I did have a headache that wouldn't go away.They took me in and put me and the baby on the monitor and her heartbeat sounded just as fantastic as always. And her movements were getting stronger and stronger. At times I could have sworn I was having contractions, but according to the machine I was not. Well I was hooked up to it so long I had to be taken off so I could pee! Then got hooked up again while we waited for the midwife. Once she came she took my blood pressure again and it is continuing to drop and sent me home.

I see my midwife today around 10am. Last week she was talking about inducing me if I hadn't had the baby by now, but then my blood pressure was at it's highest. Now it is at it's lowest so I don't know. It still isn't low but it does seem to be out of the danger level.

I just wish she would come! And I wish Jon would be well enough that I could have his support and not have to worry about his pain and just focus on having this baby. I need him!

I swear that I will be able to talk about things other than the baby once all of this passes. But right now it is pretty much everything I can think about.

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Now playing: Beck - Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime
via FoxyTunes ---------------

Poster Winner!

budanART Poster Winner!
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

This beautiful entry for the Etsy Poster Contest was one of the winners and I am lucky enough to be on it! This poster along with others will be given out at fairs and other events to promote Etsy. My piece is the eye in the second column of the bottom row. I knew being included in a entry from this person gave me a good shot since her treasuries always rock! I'm in another great one too, but this is my favorite. I covet the piece below the weiner dog.

No more wishing for the baby to arrive today please. In fact, if you could send any baby delivery wishes to
Michelle aka cicadastudio instead of me it would be greatly appreciated. She's the one that is really ready to have her baby! Jon woke up with a pinched nerve in his neck and suddenly I am by far the mobile one in the household. I didn't say active because that honor goes to the partying blee in my belly! She just never seems to let up!

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Now playing: Flight of the Conchords - Robots (Live)
via FoxyTunes

Stamps!

More carved blocks
Originally uploaded by pinkbathtub

Thanks to everybody that wished me well yesterday. I had a much better night sleeping last night and feel much better this morning as a result. It is a amazing how much more rested one can end up feeling when you don't wake up to puke in the middle of the night!

Anyhow, I am inspired by this gorgeous set of stamps by pinkbathtub and the stamp making photopool on Etsy. Stamping is so similar to what I do yet so different.

The cheap Speedball stamp material I picked up at Michaels sucked just like I feared it would. I made a decent "thank you stamp" but it isn't very crisp and it really does feel like it is about to fall apart if I don't treat it very gently. A corner (that is not part of the design thankfully) already broke off. I knew the pink stuff is better but they didn't have any plus it is so much more expensive I thought I would give this stuff a go. Plus these inspiring and well carved stamps are not pink so maybe it isn't so bad. Found out they are not carved in the white (actually off white) Speedball material but a totally different brand. A brand that Dick Blick has so I picked up one small block of the pink stuff and one small block of this stuff so I can compare.

My replacement gocco supplies came in the mail yesterday so I can get back to experimenting with that. But of course my studio is too much of a mess right now for goccoing. But I will clean it and get back to messing with it because I would like to see it work! If I do ever get it to work I have this thought of combining gocco printing with stamping. I think it could be cool.

Jon is working from home today and is going to come with me to my appointment with the mid-wife. Just a standard visit. He'll get to hear the heartbeat again and that will be cool. It always is.

Yesterday I decided to raise the price of the piece I blogged about. I've never sold a piece that size for more than $15, but I have grown to love it so much that I just won't part with it for less than $20. I was rather nervous about it when I first made it, about the colors that is why I started with such a small piece. But being a bit daring with color paid off and I ended up with some really strong pieces and that is one of them. One thing I am loving about that ginkgo block is how it works so well for so many different sizes of paper. Anything up to 9"x12".

I hope everybody has a lovely weekend. I'm probably not going to post again until tomorrow. I have a lot to do and have been quite tired lately.