Doing it All?

In Dark Trees
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

First, I hope everybody enjoyed their extra day. I did actually enjoy mine. I barely remember it at this point though. But I do remember that I enjoyed it.

But now trying to do it all isn't going so well for me. This is not a new piece.

How do you mums manage to balance everything so you can be there for your child while still having the time and energy to not only make art and or crafts? For awhile it seemed like I was doing it. Now just doing it but excelling at it. I felt powerful, I felt proud of myself. Sometimes I wondered even that people might think I was neglecting her because I was as productive as I am. Of course now I pretty much think the opposite. That people are watching me fall out of art and becoming simply a mommy. Not that there is anything wrong with just focusing on being a mother, but it just isn't what I want for myself. Am I being selfish?

I spend about five or more hours a day with my daughter strapped to me in some way or another. More during the weekdays. It is the only way she will nap and if she doesn't get her naps she screams. I'm able to do light housework and cleaning but that is about it. If I am wearing a certain carrier I can maybe draw. We just got back from one of our walks so I have a moment of piece. But mentally I am just not in a space to do what I need to do. I have all this canvas, gorgeous papers and of course blocks and inks to print with. Yet I have barely touched them in weeks. I haven't been sketching much and I certainly haven't been photographing my sketches for the 365 project. It just leaves me feeling like I failed already. Even going a week without making something feels like an eternity to me. I did some Gocco printing on Thursday but even that was too long ago. I haven't used any of the prints yet.

So she is MINE after all!

Daughter like the mother
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

Both of us when we were fresh side by side. So much the same yet so different at the same time.

She was so tiny with such skinny little legs not the ham hams she has now!

I've been feeling a bit run down. I ordered a bunch of washi samples to play with on Tuesday or Wednesday and I am hoping they show up soon. Right now I don't know if I should start a new pattern block to carve (it has been drawn) or print. I always seem to have new things to carve, often things that take quite some time to complete and I can't get them done quick enough. And Jon is very busy with work stuff right now so that leaves me with even less time for art and for the whole Christmas selling season blah blah.

Have a good weekend. I will try to.

Ugh! What a week!

Shrouded by Leaves - ACEO/ ATC
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

I have some wonderful fresh ACEOs left and one mid-size, but other than that they are all oldies but goodies left. I haven't been in this position since the beginning of the year when I was sick puking three times a day. I may have some small 4"x4" pieces that I didn't get to scanning that I may go through today if I have the time. But I am pretty much out of stuff from my last printing (way back in mid-July) to list.

This week has been very hard. It started with me feeling overwhelmed with keeping up with the baby and trying so hard to keep the house clean and never having time for myself. I ended up pretty depressed for a couple of days. Snapping me out of that depression was a bad case of Mastitis, the key word in this illness that I had no idea about until I got pregnant is "tits". This illness is some serious business. Wednesday I went to bed with a fever and the chills on top of the pain and I woke up barely able to move with sweat pouring down my back. I can't remember the last time I had a fever, and this one was bad. Jon had to stay home because I was completely incapable of caring for myself much less the baby. I had one duty and that was to feed her. And even there he had to help me as much as he could. I called my doctor right away at 8:30 in the morning but got the bitchy receptionist. She left a message and told me a midwife would get back to me. Two hours of misery after still no call and this seemed odd so I called back. She basically told me that they were busy and I would just have to wait. All day I waited. My fever broke for a bit and that is the only reason why I put up with waiting, that and I was scared that if I tried again this woman would give me grief again. I fell asleep and around 5:30 received a call from a very upset and apologetic nurse. Apparently the incompetent and world hating receptionist had shoved the message in her box in a way that she totally didn't see it until just then as she was leaving. She talked to me about my symptoms and then consulted with a midwife before getting back to me. They agreed to put me on an antibiotic since my fever was returning and called it in so I wouldn't have to come in or wait until morning.

I see my midwife for the final six week appointment either next Friday or the one after that. If that receptionist is working then I am tempted to give her a "fuck you very much" goodbye. All the nurses, doctors and midwives there are wonderful. But the receptionists and people in billing are just terrible. They are either mean or incompetent. Or sometimes a lovely combination of both, like this woman.

Now as much as I want to clean up I need to take it easy and keep my stress down. I can do the basics but today I take care of the baby and myself by resting. Having me ill is not only hard on me but it is hard on Jon.

I'm Tired

Tired - SPT
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

And I am not getting things done. Sleeping through the night is certainly not an option and that is to be expected. She actually does pretty well until around 5am when she is impossible to please. We really need to start going to bed earlier, but last night we had errands to run before Jon's parents arrived and got stuck in Red Sox traffic.

But not napping during the day when she sleeps, which is fairly often except for Monday which was hellish for me is just stupid on my part. But I have so much on my mind right now that I have a hard time relaxing and sleeping. Cleaning the house, the baby of course, art that I wish I was making, orders that I need to fill, dreading the stress of the JPOS this weekend and wondering if I should even do it or if I should just try and relax. But last year went so well and I did pay for my spot so it is hard to just stay home. So I am procrastinating just about everything right now.







I finished the clearing of the block and all that needs to be done now is the detail work. But my dreams of printing with it while the inlaws are here are all but dead at this point. I'm just too tired I just know I would mess it up and just wind up wasting paper and time.

I finally photographed more of the magnets and mirrors that I had made from print scraps and failures but I have no desire to put them up in my shop right now.

I'm feeling pretty frazzled and sad right now and just wish I could clear my mind while she naps so I could either rest or get one of my tasks done. I just popped some Advil so maybe my feet and back will stop hurting so much and I can do more than I have been.

so much, so much

Masked Beauty
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

First I want to apologize if I am slow or unresponsive to comments. If I am not saying much on the blogs that I am still reading it isn't because I don't care it is just extra hard right now. Blogging is hard. Making art is pretty much impossible. Uploading and listing is difficult. Everything is just harder now and I read things in a bit of a haze so it is hard for me to get worthy words out for a comment.

Also, I've been a bad feedback leaver on Etsy. Again, getting words out is difficult. I'm not withholding on purpose I just think the way my brain is right now if I were to leave feedback it would be nonsensical or worse something like "A++++ buyer" ebay style. And who wants that?

I am writing this entry on Monday night because I know that I won't be able to write in the morning. I have an appointment with a midwife at 8:40am that should be quite revealing on how far along I am. The way I am feeling and how my body is acting I would not be surprised if she came this week or next at the latest. *Pregnancy TMI and whine alert* Meanwhile my midwife is putting me through hell running all these tests to find a reason to induce me (my theory at least). But I don't think I am going to need to be induced because I feel close. But she is going through my body with a fine tooth comb trying to find something wrong enough and putting me through hell in the process. Getting my blood drawn over and over. Being hooked up to an uncomfortable machine for 30 minutes and being told to relax. And now a 24 hour urine test today. Oh what fun this has been! I was completely happy with my care until my blood pressure became elevated and now I am very unhappy. I don't feel like I am being listened to or understood. She seems to think that the urine test is no big deal and was shocked that I made a face when she told me about it. Having done it I can most certainly has been a big deal. My body is being run through with a fine tooth comb trying to find something wrong enough to warrant an early induction.

While all this is happening I am feeling a lot of movement, contractions and pains that lead me to believe that the end is near. I'm thinking about things like how to handle my shop when the baby comes. Getting out orders that I have now. Thank you cards for all the gifts and well wishes. Stuff like that. The Boston Globe postponed the photoshoot so it is happening on Tuesday now. And I still have to tidy up my studio for it. I actually have my first Showcase Spot purchased for Wednesday and I don't even know if I am going to be wanting sales come Wednesday! I never get those advertising spots, but I was feeling motivated to promote myself in new ways a few weeks ago when they went on sale and thought that having a spot in August (a traditionally slow sales time) would be good. It didn't occur to me that come August I could be in a position where sales are of very little concern to me. Should I even be listing at this point? My mind is everywhere and nowhere and this piece just feels very appropriate right now. Something about the mood and the looks on the faces.

My acid reflux appears to not be an issue anymore. I wonder if the baby has dropped and therefor relieved some of the pressure on my stomach and esophagus.. I have such mixed emotions on this. Mostly relief and I hope this is the case but I also know that if it is I am soon going to experience the pain of childbirth followed by the scary reality that we are responsible for a tiny, helpless human life. And there are things that I wanted to do around the house beforehand that we haven't gotten to yet.


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Now playing: The Shins - Gone For Good
via FoxyTunes

The Past Two Days

Art Cards from July 15th
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

Good morning everybody. I am currently abstaining from my morning pot of coffee or tea because I have ideas of crawling back into bed after I post this. I am fairly awake right now and have been for about an hour, but I am very tempting. And since Jon is staying home today he is still in bed and that makes me want to crawl back in even more!

So here are the ACEOs that wore me out making this past Sunday. So far I only have three of them listed, but I have too much new work (a good position to be in for sure) and have to pick and choose. I even have a few more older ones that I haven't gotten around to listing yet. I am overflowing! And I have around twenty-five full sized pieces completed!

The total for Sunday's mad eight hour printing session stands at;
25 - full sized pieces
9 - ACEOs
2 - failures
2 - unfinished or hmmmm pieces
3 - oddly sized but cool not sure what to do with them pieces

After all this I was dead physically and mentally. I crawled into the comfy chair I just added to my studio complete with much needed ottoman and didn't move for hours. The only time I moved was when Jon unfortunately left the water running and was out of the house. And let me tell you hobbling across the hall to the bathroom was all kinds of pain! It was nice to sit but the entire time I felt guilty because I still needed to pack up orders. Unlike last July sales have been quite good for me and I have been having a hard time keeping up.

But yesterday I was able to get them packed up and they are all on their way now. I did it in stages. First I gathered up everything and put them in their plastic sleeves or other packaging depending on the item. Then I cut up the cardboard I sandwich the prints between. Taped it all together and since I was sitting down and didn't want to move I covered them all with some of my newfound stamps. An added bonus of the stamps is I find it helps me identify what orders are what. Then I napped for two hours. Woke up and started weighing items and shipping labels. By the time I was done Jon was home and able to take everything to the Post Office for me.

I also changed my shipping policies from shipping within 48 hours (just not possible for me right now) to shipping every Tuesday and Friday. Unless I go into labor on one of those days! I think it is a fair policy that even people that aren't pregnant have.

Today I am feeling the itch to print again. But I am going to do my best to hold off because I am likely to take it too far and hurt myself. Instead I should photograph mirrors and carve. I made a bit of an exciting purchase off the Dick Blick site and need a new block or two for it. Other than some small art card blocks these new blocks may be the last blocks I carve for quite awhile. This makes me sad.

Good Tuesday to everybody. Tonight I share a lovely dinner at my favorite restaurant with Sweetestpea Jen! I just realized that I forgot to remind her to bring back our copy of season one of The Wire to return and knowing how hectic her life is she probably won't remember. And it is too late now. I'm sure she has already left for work. And you should all Netflix it!

Walking Dead

too many weeks
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

After pushing myself to the extreme yesterday I am pretty much dead to the world today. I thought that if I got a good nights sleep I would wake up revived and I did feel revived a bit. For about fifteen minutes. I am a little less sore but I am still tired and spaced out completely. I packed up some of the many orders that need to go out and that finished me off for awhile. I didn't even finish. I can't even explain just how fuzzy my brain feels right now. I've had a cup of coffee. I'm ready for a nap. Hopefully if I can actually sleep I will revive myself just enough to finish up what needs to be done. I don't really have a choice. As I was writing this entry I just got another order through Etsy. While it is great that sales are so good but I am having such a hard time keeping up. And then I feel guilty and stressed and panic. I may have to put up some sort of disclaimer that I might be shipping a little slower than normal for awhile. I will be removing the custom pendants from my shop today because the thought of having somebody order one right now terrifies me. I might bring them back for Christmas.

I have so much new art to show and I don't have the energy to scan and upload it right now. Sad.


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