This is simple right?
Give me something good. Make me smile any way you think would work.
Here is my first attempt at digital art that I think is work showing. Selling? No way. Printing out and displaying? Certainly not! But it is worth showing that I am indeed making progress with my new digital tablet. This is actually from a sketch that I have had for years but never got to turning into a print as it would take a lot more time than this.
This took me around ten minutes. Well, fifteen if you include me digging through old sketches looking for it.
I'm hoping for a good weekend. Planning on getting out and getting my nose repierced, an idea I have been toying with for ages. I did it myself when I was fifteen and then removed it for the parents of my now husband. I regret it. Just a little stud not a ring, rings don't suit me.
Have a wonderful day! Thanks to everybody for the support through this difficult time. Hopefully I can transfer that support onto my friends.
Tonight I will make mac and cheese for a friend I don't see nearly enough and her new boy. This is good.
This post was blogged with a wiggling blee on my lap. She says hello.
Showing posts with label support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label support. Show all posts
Friday, March 28, 2008
Monday, August 27, 2007
sadness has me
I've been feeling rather irritable with increasing depression ever since mid-day yesterday. First I was just in shock and then it started to turn into depression. The cat combined with everything else is really getting to me. And I have a sinus headache again and am almost out of sudafed. Why does pregnancy give me allergy symptoms?
I haven't been able to drag myself out of bed to try to do something to cheer myself up by being productive. I am a little afraid of failure. Of being reminded how sore I am and that I have been in bed these past weeks for a reason.
I have lots of books that I could read but I don't want to for some reason. Haven't been able to focus on a book in a couple of months now. Don't want to put on a movie or even watch silly youtube videos. The headache doesn't help. I ate some cereal for breakfast along with a cup of tea yet I still feel very weak and feeble like I haven't eaten a thing.
Honestly right now I don't even feel excited about the baby. I just feel worn out and sad. Distracted and ill prepared like I missed my window.
At least there are threads like this one on Etsy that do a bit to cheer me up at least temporarily. It is very sweet of them to care though sometimes I do feel a little weird (and somewhat guilty) that I seem to house a bit of an Etsy celebrity! I guess Etsy admin Matt has been going around for months saying she would be born on his birthday. That he prophesied it. Well, his birthday came and went yesterday. Sorry Matt, I do wish you had been correct. One thing is for sure I really do need to gather up threads like these and print them out for the baby book! Some of them are classic!
People are really acting funny about this baby like we are going to have it and not tell anybody. Yesterday both my grandmother and my dad called asking for news. Right before we got off the phone both of them reminded me that they expect a call when the big event happens. Jon's family has been the same. And so have friends. Of course we are going to call and contact people! Isn't that kind of a given? Weird.
I haven't been able to drag myself out of bed to try to do something to cheer myself up by being productive. I am a little afraid of failure. Of being reminded how sore I am and that I have been in bed these past weeks for a reason.
I have lots of books that I could read but I don't want to for some reason. Haven't been able to focus on a book in a couple of months now. Don't want to put on a movie or even watch silly youtube videos. The headache doesn't help. I ate some cereal for breakfast along with a cup of tea yet I still feel very weak and feeble like I haven't eaten a thing.
Honestly right now I don't even feel excited about the baby. I just feel worn out and sad. Distracted and ill prepared like I missed my window.
At least there are threads like this one on Etsy that do a bit to cheer me up at least temporarily. It is very sweet of them to care though sometimes I do feel a little weird (and somewhat guilty) that I seem to house a bit of an Etsy celebrity! I guess Etsy admin Matt has been going around for months saying she would be born on his birthday. That he prophesied it. Well, his birthday came and went yesterday. Sorry Matt, I do wish you had been correct. One thing is for sure I really do need to gather up threads like these and print them out for the baby book! Some of them are classic!
People are really acting funny about this baby like we are going to have it and not tell anybody. Yesterday both my grandmother and my dad called asking for news. Right before we got off the phone both of them reminded me that they expect a call when the big event happens. Jon's family has been the same. And so have friends. Of course we are going to call and contact people! Isn't that kind of a given? Weird.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Quiet Days
Hello everybody. This entry could be long and ramble a bit or it could be short for all I know. I guess I would say that while I have a lot on my mind these last few days I have been feeling extra quiet and more to the point not feeling like doing much of anything. I haven't even been nagging Jon much to do baby prep stuff! As much as I want this baby to come I am not doing enough to prepare for it and I know it. It is good thing blee won't be in the nursery for months because it is a total mess with all the clothing and other gifts piled in the crib. We have two empty drawers, why aren't we using them? But for the first months she will be sleeping either with us or in the Pack n Play bassinet that is next door to the bedroom in my studio.
The mom's group that I was invited to and joined midway through my pregnancy went on a summer hiatus during July and August. And I missed most of the meetings in June because I was feeling so bad that month. I kind of had a feeling that it was over and I was correct to a degree. Last week I got an email from the leader saying that it will no longer be in her home but is being absorbed by a bigger group on the far side of Cambridge. Not a very T friendly location, and even if it was a very long T ride especially with a newborn. While I am trying to work up the courage to take small local errand running drives there is no way that I can drive across the river, especially with a baby. The thought fills me with horrible imagery and brings out my anxiety. Basically, no group for me I figure when I would need it the most.
The leader in her forever upbeat and bouncy tone wants me to sign up anyway and is trying to find ways for me and another JP mom to get there. It actually might work out. Yet I hesitate writing her and signing up. September seems so far away. A mom's group with a baby seems so foreign to me. I hesitate. She also wants us to meet up and chat and I find myself avoiding that as well. Granted getting around isn't the easiest for me right now, but as long as it isn't a crazy hot day I could manage. I've been so anti-social this pregnancy. At times moreso than others, and this is one of those times. It is one thing pulling back in the dead of a winter ice storm when I am puking and coughing. But this is different. Even when I am around people I often feel alone. Am I depressed? Post-partum depression before the baby even arrives? I know I am feeling stressed and pressured to have this baby as soon as possible. I analyze every pain wondering how much closer it brings me to the big day.
Art, I'd like to do art. I've thought about carving or even printing but I don't ever do it. I don't even list the work I do have on Etsy. I signed up for the Trunkt website and I am a little confused by it. First off I have to put my work in mixed media even though that is not what I do, because it is the closest to printmaking they have. Second I never got an acceptance email from them despite being accepted the day after I applied. I waited around for over a week, confused and kept looking through my junk mail for nothing. So I thought maybe I had made a mistake in my application and submitted a new one. Got a message that my account name already existed in the system. Go to log on and sure enough I have an account. But I can't find my account in any searches. Do you need a paid one for that or is it because I edited a few things? Does my account get deactivated for approval every time I make an edit? Do a search on the site for mlee and you won't find me. It seems like a lot of fairly successful Etsy people have paid accounts and it is tempting. But these issues along with now not being the time to invest in promotion cause me to hesitate. I think I will wait until after the baby comes and things hopefully settle down to invest in more promotion. Promotion right now and in September would probably just be a huge waste if my store is essentially going to be shut down or in slow motion mode at the very least!
So I guess this turned out to be a long post with plenty of rambling after all. Guess I made up for my lack of words yesterday. Sorry to those of you I made cry or almost cry with my last post about my mother. The thoughts just had to come out and it was cathartic to say the least. Some real good came of it as I now know to focus on how lucky I was to have her rather than the selfish desire to have her right now. I can't even imagine how awful my childhood would have been if she had died six months after the surgery like everybody expected her to.
The mom's group that I was invited to and joined midway through my pregnancy went on a summer hiatus during July and August. And I missed most of the meetings in June because I was feeling so bad that month. I kind of had a feeling that it was over and I was correct to a degree. Last week I got an email from the leader saying that it will no longer be in her home but is being absorbed by a bigger group on the far side of Cambridge. Not a very T friendly location, and even if it was a very long T ride especially with a newborn. While I am trying to work up the courage to take small local errand running drives there is no way that I can drive across the river, especially with a baby. The thought fills me with horrible imagery and brings out my anxiety. Basically, no group for me I figure when I would need it the most.
The leader in her forever upbeat and bouncy tone wants me to sign up anyway and is trying to find ways for me and another JP mom to get there. It actually might work out. Yet I hesitate writing her and signing up. September seems so far away. A mom's group with a baby seems so foreign to me. I hesitate. She also wants us to meet up and chat and I find myself avoiding that as well. Granted getting around isn't the easiest for me right now, but as long as it isn't a crazy hot day I could manage. I've been so anti-social this pregnancy. At times moreso than others, and this is one of those times. It is one thing pulling back in the dead of a winter ice storm when I am puking and coughing. But this is different. Even when I am around people I often feel alone. Am I depressed? Post-partum depression before the baby even arrives? I know I am feeling stressed and pressured to have this baby as soon as possible. I analyze every pain wondering how much closer it brings me to the big day.
Art, I'd like to do art. I've thought about carving or even printing but I don't ever do it. I don't even list the work I do have on Etsy. I signed up for the Trunkt website and I am a little confused by it. First off I have to put my work in mixed media even though that is not what I do, because it is the closest to printmaking they have. Second I never got an acceptance email from them despite being accepted the day after I applied. I waited around for over a week, confused and kept looking through my junk mail for nothing. So I thought maybe I had made a mistake in my application and submitted a new one. Got a message that my account name already existed in the system. Go to log on and sure enough I have an account. But I can't find my account in any searches. Do you need a paid one for that or is it because I edited a few things? Does my account get deactivated for approval every time I make an edit? Do a search on the site for mlee and you won't find me. It seems like a lot of fairly successful Etsy people have paid accounts and it is tempting. But these issues along with now not being the time to invest in promotion cause me to hesitate. I think I will wait until after the baby comes and things hopefully settle down to invest in more promotion. Promotion right now and in September would probably just be a huge waste if my store is essentially going to be shut down or in slow motion mode at the very least!
So I guess this turned out to be a long post with plenty of rambling after all. Guess I made up for my lack of words yesterday. Sorry to those of you I made cry or almost cry with my last post about my mother. The thoughts just had to come out and it was cathartic to say the least. Some real good came of it as I now know to focus on how lucky I was to have her rather than the selfish desire to have her right now. I can't even imagine how awful my childhood would have been if she had died six months after the surgery like everybody expected her to.
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