Tuesday, August 07, 2007

so much, so much

Masked Beauty
Originally uploaded by m.Lee
First I want to apologize if I am slow or unresponsive to comments. If I am not saying much on the blogs that I am still reading it isn't because I don't care it is just extra hard right now. Blogging is hard. Making art is pretty much impossible. Uploading and listing is difficult. Everything is just harder now and I read things in a bit of a haze so it is hard for me to get worthy words out for a comment.

Also, I've been a bad feedback leaver on Etsy. Again, getting words out is difficult. I'm not withholding on purpose I just think the way my brain is right now if I were to leave feedback it would be nonsensical or worse something like "A++++ buyer" ebay style. And who wants that?

I am writing this entry on Monday night because I know that I won't be able to write in the morning. I have an appointment with a midwife at 8:40am that should be quite revealing on how far along I am. The way I am feeling and how my body is acting I would not be surprised if she came this week or next at the latest. *Pregnancy TMI and whine alert* Meanwhile my midwife is putting me through hell running all these tests to find a reason to induce me (my theory at least). But I don't think I am going to need to be induced because I feel close. But she is going through my body with a fine tooth comb trying to find something wrong enough and putting me through hell in the process. Getting my blood drawn over and over. Being hooked up to an uncomfortable machine for 30 minutes and being told to relax. And now a 24 hour urine test today. Oh what fun this has been! I was completely happy with my care until my blood pressure became elevated and now I am very unhappy. I don't feel like I am being listened to or understood. She seems to think that the urine test is no big deal and was shocked that I made a face when she told me about it. Having done it I can most certainly has been a big deal. My body is being run through with a fine tooth comb trying to find something wrong enough to warrant an early induction.

While all this is happening I am feeling a lot of movement, contractions and pains that lead me to believe that the end is near. I'm thinking about things like how to handle my shop when the baby comes. Getting out orders that I have now. Thank you cards for all the gifts and well wishes. Stuff like that. The Boston Globe postponed the photoshoot so it is happening on Tuesday now. And I still have to tidy up my studio for it. I actually have my first Showcase Spot purchased for Wednesday and I don't even know if I am going to be wanting sales come Wednesday! I never get those advertising spots, but I was feeling motivated to promote myself in new ways a few weeks ago when they went on sale and thought that having a spot in August (a traditionally slow sales time) would be good. It didn't occur to me that come August I could be in a position where sales are of very little concern to me. Should I even be listing at this point? My mind is everywhere and nowhere and this piece just feels very appropriate right now. Something about the mood and the looks on the faces.

My acid reflux appears to not be an issue anymore. I wonder if the baby has dropped and therefor relieved some of the pressure on my stomach and esophagus.. I have such mixed emotions on this. Mostly relief and I hope this is the case but I also know that if it is I am soon going to experience the pain of childbirth followed by the scary reality that we are responsible for a tiny, helpless human life. And there are things that I wanted to do around the house beforehand that we haven't gotten to yet.

Now playing: The Shins - Gone For Good
via FoxyTunes


rocknwrap said...

Must agree that the pain of childbirth scares the c*** out of me!

The Bookish Life said...

i hope your appt goes well. how weird that they are in such a hurry to induce! it's all very exciting though...it sounds like you're super close!!

i love the masked beauty print. gorgeous.

stilettoheights said...

Marissa...do not feel bad for not blogging and commenting and the rest of it, you are getting close to the time when you need to selfish for you and little blee...take the time you need, and the time that she will need.


fernfiddlehead said...

bLee is on her way!

Kim said...

Good luck today. I hope that baby comes very soon..sounds like it will.

jen said...

the baby has dropped and relieved your acid reflux! this is such exciting stuff! a little reprieve for you to rest up for the labor.

GOOD LUCK with your appt today...i think things are going on you don't know about and you will be pleasantly surprised.

Pamela said...

How well I remember feeling like you are now! Soon enough it will be over and you will have a darling baby to care for - and the joy of that will more than make up for all the discomfort you are going through at the moment (I promise!).

Marissa L. Swinghammer said...

I think I managed to get my hopes up. I do have some acid this morning along with a very lovely sinus headache from the cold and I am not dilated just thinned a bit and that is it. And my blood pressure is up a bit.

The appointment took much longer than expected. Over two hours. I have to clean my studio and try to make myself not look like a cow for the photographer at three. My head is killing me and I can't take anything for my sinuses that won't possibly raise my blood pressure.

Sweet Spice said...

sending lots of calming thoughts your way =o)


papernclay said...

reading your blog brings back memories of childbirth or worse yet the last weeks of pregnancy. I hope all goes well. Try to stay calm and stay away from anything that gives you stress.
Your baby is worth it! you'll be surprised at how fast you will be feeling better.
good luck!!

Bette Norcross Wappner -- said...

be rest assured that Mother Nature, the Nurses, and your doctor will take care of You and Baby and all the details. everything will be fine :) you don't have to respond to this. just take care and relax.

Marissa L. Swinghammer said...

I remember early in the pregnancy how even though I was throwing up and miserable I was so scared about childbirth and caring for the child that I just couldn't understand why women in the final months wanted it to be over so badly.

I get it now!

It is time for my husband to share in the sleep deprivation and childcare and give my body a bit of a break. Just a bit since I know plenty more will be asked of it with the baby, but at least my insides won't be all squished here and there anymore.