Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Experimentaion On Hold

Print/ Drawing Hybrid
Originally uploaded by mlee.etsy.com
Last Friday during one of my walks I picked a number of leaves to use in Monotype printing that night or over the weekend. Today those leaves sit all dried up and useless on a shelf.

I just didn't want to do it I guess. By the time I had a chance to print the inspiration and motivation was gone. I don't really know what to do at this point. Maybe I will do more things like this and alter unfinished prints by hand. What do you think? It is something that I can do a lot more casually than printing. And to be quite honest Monotype printing does not come naturally for me and makes me quite nervous. It is hard for me to relax and just go with it as I put a lot of pressure on myself to make something good right off the bat.

Maybe I am just going crazy. Things that happened over the weekend that should leave me feeling empowered and positive have the opposite effect. I just don't know what is wrong with me anymore. This has been going on for six months now. My longest depression I can remember. Probably since my senior year in college.

In brighter news we are going to Ohio to celebrate blee's birthday with family the Wednesday before Labor Day weekend. My inlaws, my dad and his crew, my best friend from college and maybe even some Etsy people will all be there. I can't believe my little girl is turning one. She is the light that I cling to these days when my art is dark and vacant. She's just great. I couldn't have asked for a more joy filled baby. I'm truly blessed to have her in my life. I don't know how I can feel so bad when I have something so wonderful. Jon is wonderful as well. Every morning he takes her with him to walk the dog and I just think it is the sweetest thing seeing him carrying her in his baby pouch sling as I sleepily open my eyes in the morning.

Anyhow, that is it for today. Maybe it is wrong for me to be so open in my blog but I just can't help it. I hope everybody reading this is having a better day than I am and has a fabulous week. Who knows, maybe mine will turn around. I'm trying.


Anonymous said...

Marissa, I read your blog all the time,rarely comment. I enjoy your personal feelings in print don't stop your posting style. As for your art, do what you enjoy and what flows easily for you. I love monotypes and they just flow out of me. Perhpas this is because my background is that of a painter. I am sad about your depression and understand how you feel. I am depressed at this time as well and find it hard to work on my art. Just hang in tere.

JennifersCabin said...

It is a rotten old thing to get is depression, my mum was dogged with it during her life, and took a long time to get back after childbirth. My best advice is to be kind to yourself, and give yourself a hug and a little love as well. Be proud of yourself for each small good moment in a day: birdsong heard or a flower noticed.

Becca said...

it's important to keep trying. i teeter a lot. it's a tough thing to fight myself. you'll make it, m. :)

i can't believe blee's almost one!

jkziel said...

blee is almost one! time flies! I think a lot of people relate to your blog--as long as you feel comfortable, I think everything is a-o-k

Anonymous said...

Marissa, I am also a loyal blog reader here but I never comment. I absolutely love your art and it pains me to hear that you are suffering from depression. I have had the same in my past and it is a difficult road to be on. You have no idea how your art has inspired me. It's like new gateways opening in my spirit just from looking at it. I love monotypes and I like it so far. You have no idea what a positive effect you have on people, even when you don't feel all that good inside. Hang in there. xx

Lisa said...

yep - i come here often and find you to be a super inspiring mom and artist! It is a tough tough job to be a great mom and artist. (i have been doing it for almost 7 years) Its all about balance and its REALLY HARD to find it. hang in there.

Marissa L. Swinghammer said...

Thank you all. Today is another rough day but I am trying to make the best of us. I sound like a broken record.