Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Waiting and Waiting
Drawing pretty much stopped and so did everything else along with it. I tried so many things to get myself going again. From staring at pieces of paper to getting out a canvas and trying my best to make something beautiful all the way to pulling out Drawing from the Right Side of the Brain. And they have all failed. I still feel empty and it is hard to create out of emptiness. Of course I don't have a ton of time right now, but I have enough to do more than just spin my wheels. I can't take a break I'm afraid that I will lose everything that I have worked so hard for in the past three years. After art school I felt empty and ended up taking a three year break where I worked temp jobs and avoided art completely. It tortured me and I am terrified to go back to that space.
I've come dangerously close to burnout before but now I think I have hit total and complete burnout. Something has to change I need a break but at the same time it is so hard for me to take one, it is very hard for me to relax. Like the woman in the image I sit but not relaxed back in the chair but sitting up straight and anxious while trying to be calm.
I think I need really bad to take a class this summer. That is what got me out of my rut three years ago and it might help me now.