Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Waiting and Waiting

Waiting and Waiting
Originally uploaded by m.Lee
For something to happen. I think the title of this piece sums up my feelings pretty well. For the past month I have been waiting and waiting for inspiration to hit me. I was doing pretty well until around the time we found out about my friend's illness and the disagreement with family. Then I hit a wall and I have been banging against that wall trying to knock it down ever since.

Drawing pretty much stopped and so did everything else along with it. I tried so many things to get myself going again. From staring at pieces of paper to getting out a canvas and trying my best to make something beautiful all the way to pulling out Drawing from the Right Side of the Brain. And they have all failed. I still feel empty and it is hard to create out of emptiness. Of course I don't have a ton of time right now, but I have enough to do more than just spin my wheels. I can't take a break I'm afraid that I will lose everything that I have worked so hard for in the past three years. After art school I felt empty and ended up taking a three year break where I worked temp jobs and avoided art completely. It tortured me and I am terrified to go back to that space.

I've come dangerously close to burnout before but now I think I have hit total and complete burnout. Something has to change I need a break but at the same time it is so hard for me to take one, it is very hard for me to relax. Like the woman in the image I sit but not relaxed back in the chair but sitting up straight and anxious while trying to be calm.

I think I need really bad to take a class this summer. That is what got me out of my rut three years ago and it might help me now.


Round Rabbit said...

You need to read The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It is amazing for clearing up the creative mind and I discovered that once that is clear everything else follows. I should really blog about this book - it is soooo valuable!

Cicada Studio said...

The class sounds like a great idea. I took a life drawing class and it was one of the catalyst for me starting my Etsy shop. I was energized. And it's "you time". Sounds like you need a little of that. It's not selfish- it will help make a happy mommy and wife (and you)!

Anonymous said...

I think the class would be good motivation. I am a newspaper reporter and the ruts hit about once a year... writing can get sooooo boring sometimes. But we get burn out days and they can be a real revival of creativity. So can classes. I'm taking one next month just to keep the juices flowing.

Marissa L. Swinghammer said...

I actually own The Artists Way and never have been able to get past the first few chapters. But even those have helped me. But I'm having a hard time doing that these days.

Allison said...

Creative blocks....blocks in general can be so difficult to process. I wish you luck on your journey.