Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Waiting and Waiting


Waiting and Waiting
Originally uploaded by m.Lee
For something to happen. I think the title of this piece sums up my feelings pretty well. For the past month I have been waiting and waiting for inspiration to hit me. I was doing pretty well until around the time we found out about my friend's illness and the disagreement with family. Then I hit a wall and I have been banging against that wall trying to knock it down ever since.

Drawing pretty much stopped and so did everything else along with it. I tried so many things to get myself going again. From staring at pieces of paper to getting out a canvas and trying my best to make something beautiful all the way to pulling out Drawing from the Right Side of the Brain. And they have all failed. I still feel empty and it is hard to create out of emptiness. Of course I don't have a ton of time right now, but I have enough to do more than just spin my wheels. I can't take a break I'm afraid that I will lose everything that I have worked so hard for in the past three years. After art school I felt empty and ended up taking a three year break where I worked temp jobs and avoided art completely. It tortured me and I am terrified to go back to that space.

I've come dangerously close to burnout before but now I think I have hit total and complete burnout. Something has to change I need a break but at the same time it is so hard for me to take one, it is very hard for me to relax. Like the woman in the image I sit but not relaxed back in the chair but sitting up straight and anxious while trying to be calm.

I think I need really bad to take a class this summer. That is what got me out of my rut three years ago and it might help me now.

5 comments:

Round Rabbit said...

You need to read The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It is amazing for clearing up the creative mind and I discovered that once that is clear everything else follows. I should really blog about this book - it is soooo valuable!

Cicada Studio said...

The class sounds like a great idea. I took a life drawing class and it was one of the catalyst for me starting my Etsy shop. I was energized. And it's "you time". Sounds like you need a little of that. It's not selfish- it will help make a happy mommy and wife (and you)!

Helen said...

I think the class would be good motivation. I am a newspaper reporter and the ruts hit about once a year... writing can get sooooo boring sometimes. But we get burn out days and they can be a real revival of creativity. So can classes. I'm taking one next month just to keep the juices flowing.

Marissa L. Swinghammer said...

I actually own The Artists Way and never have been able to get past the first few chapters. But even those have helped me. But I'm having a hard time doing that these days.

Allison said...

Creative blocks....blocks in general can be so difficult to process. I wish you luck on your journey.