Past Due

Deep Sea Goddess
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

On a whim I listed this piece just a few moments ago. Even though I am not big on promoting myself lately I just had to put it out there because I love it so.

Thanks for all the kind thoughts sent my way lately, it has helped to know that I am not a freak for feeling the way that I have been feeling. Unfortunately it doesn't make the feeling go away either but at least I don't have to feel like the worst soon to be mother ever.

Mornings are the worst for me now so I would say to expect my blog updates to be less often and later on during the day. Yesterday we had to get up early and go to the hospital for an ultrasound and a nonstress test to check on my fluids because I am a week late. Everything is fine but it was a miserable experience. I hurt and probably should have been in a wheelchair but pride kept me from asking for one. So I just hobbled around the halls leaning against railings when needed. The ultrasound itself was quite painful because my belly was feeling very stretched out and sore and being pressed by the machine hurt. Plus lying on my back put a lot of strain on my back. I'd really like to have my body back, and know even after birth it will be months before that happens. But I would like to get the process started. I wasn't even excited about seeing the baby in the ultrasound because at this point that is not how I want to see her. I don't want to see a hand on a screen I want to touch the hand.

This morning I woke up around 6am in some serious pain. My upper and lower belly hurt very badly and my back was killing me. Getting out of bed was difficult. I walked and the pain didn't go away. I wondered for a moment if it could be labor except it wasn't a contraction but a constant pain that didn't let up. Somehow I managed to go back to sleep. Woke up about an hour and a half later still in pain but slightly lessened. Went back to sleep and slept until nearly 11am. Felt much better this time and was ready to get up finally. I'm still a bit groggy and should probably make some tea but the pain from this morning is pretty much gone.

I'm considering calling and seeing if I can schedule an induction for this week today. The problem is that I don't know if I can do that without at least talking to my midwife and I don't know if I can reach her today. I guess I can give it a shot otherwise I have to wait until my appointment on Friday. But actually taking the step to schedule an induction is scary to me. I can't seem to make that call. I was ready to make that call at 6am this morning when I was in tears from the pain, but they weren't open then! Now that I feel okay I am more hesitant.