Monday, August 27, 2007

sadness has me

I've been feeling rather irritable with increasing depression ever since mid-day yesterday. First I was just in shock and then it started to turn into depression. The cat combined with everything else is really getting to me. And I have a sinus headache again and am almost out of sudafed. Why does pregnancy give me allergy symptoms?

I haven't been able to drag myself out of bed to try to do something to cheer myself up by being productive. I am a little afraid of failure. Of being reminded how sore I am and that I have been in bed these past weeks for a reason.

I have lots of books that I could read but I don't want to for some reason. Haven't been able to focus on a book in a couple of months now. Don't want to put on a movie or even watch silly youtube videos. The headache doesn't help. I ate some cereal for breakfast along with a cup of tea yet I still feel very weak and feeble like I haven't eaten a thing.

Honestly right now I don't even feel excited about the baby. I just feel worn out and sad. Distracted and ill prepared like I missed my window.

At least there are threads like this one on Etsy that do a bit to cheer me up at least temporarily. It is very sweet of them to care though sometimes I do feel a little weird (and somewhat guilty) that I seem to house a bit of an Etsy celebrity! I guess Etsy admin Matt has been going around for months saying she would be born on his birthday. That he prophesied it. Well, his birthday came and went yesterday. Sorry Matt, I do wish you had been correct. One thing is for sure I really do need to gather up threads like these and print them out for the baby book! Some of them are classic!

People are really acting funny about this baby like we are going to have it and not tell anybody. Yesterday both my grandmother and my dad called asking for news. Right before we got off the phone both of them reminded me that they expect a call when the big event happens. Jon's family has been the same. And so have friends. Of course we are going to call and contact people! Isn't that kind of a given? Weird.

7 comments:

Christina said...

Hang in there! BLee can't hide her cute face forever. You're in my thoughts! :)

PamperingBeki said...

Everything you've said is perfectly normal! :) The sinus symptoms in pregnancy have to do with softening of the membranes... and you have membranes in your nose as well as the cervix. So that makes sense.

Each of my 3 babies has been at least 10 days overdue and I completely understand the frustration and depression. You just get to the point where you're not even excited anymore and days feel like weeks. The constant phone calls from friends and family don't help either.

Hang in there! She'll come when the time is right and believe it or not, the insanely long pregnancy will be a lost memory.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear you're feeling bummed out. That happened to me before I had my daughter. I questioned whether I would even love the baby at all, and felt emotionally horrible and sad. Pregnancy is traumatic! Sending you good thoughts....

Cathy said...

But no matter how terrible you are feeling now, when you lay eyes on your beautiful baby daughter, the discomfort of the past months will be forgotten. You'll fall in love :)
And if for some reason you don't fall in love immediately thats erfectly normal too - and you know you have hundreds of people to talk to on Etsy :)
(scrap4u)

lusummers said...

heyho! it really does end, and you have this new person to get to know. i was depressed for 9 months with my second son. it's lucky he's such a happy kid, i was scared he'd come out pissed off!
as i write this, you may already be in labour......good luck and sending you love across the atlantic x

Angela said...

I know how you feel. I'm not preg. but I know how being sore can lead to depression. Make's it hard to get out of bed in the morning. I know that you are strong and that will not last forever. I hope that you are feeling better soon. Lot's of wonderful healing energy is being sent your way. :)*HUGS*

stilettoheights said...

I donlt anything about pregnancy, but I do know about not feeling well and how that leads down a dark road...

soon blee will be here, and it will be worth all the trauma your poor body went though, and when blee is older you can constantly remind her...lol