Doing it All?

In Dark Trees
Originally uploaded by m.Lee

First, I hope everybody enjoyed their extra day. I did actually enjoy mine. I barely remember it at this point though. But I do remember that I enjoyed it.

But now trying to do it all isn't going so well for me. This is not a new piece.

How do you mums manage to balance everything so you can be there for your child while still having the time and energy to not only make art and or crafts? For awhile it seemed like I was doing it. Now just doing it but excelling at it. I felt powerful, I felt proud of myself. Sometimes I wondered even that people might think I was neglecting her because I was as productive as I am. Of course now I pretty much think the opposite. That people are watching me fall out of art and becoming simply a mommy. Not that there is anything wrong with just focusing on being a mother, but it just isn't what I want for myself. Am I being selfish?

I spend about five or more hours a day with my daughter strapped to me in some way or another. More during the weekdays. It is the only way she will nap and if she doesn't get her naps she screams. I'm able to do light housework and cleaning but that is about it. If I am wearing a certain carrier I can maybe draw. We just got back from one of our walks so I have a moment of piece. But mentally I am just not in a space to do what I need to do. I have all this canvas, gorgeous papers and of course blocks and inks to print with. Yet I have barely touched them in weeks. I haven't been sketching much and I certainly haven't been photographing my sketches for the 365 project. It just leaves me feeling like I failed already. Even going a week without making something feels like an eternity to me. I did some Gocco printing on Thursday but even that was too long ago. I haven't used any of the prints yet.