Thursday, November 13, 2008

I've been better


it's back!
Originally uploaded by mlee.etsy.com
Ok, so my eye thankfully doesn't look like this anymore, but I am still feeling down. That the eye problem came back in the middle of me struggling with a cold while caring for a daughter and a husband with colds really got to me.

I hate making excuses but I had three blocks ready to print, paper torn and colors picked out a week ago last Thursday and I was ready to print that night. But I postponed because I meet with a group of friend's every Thursday night and that is important too. So I get sick on Friday. Then on Sunday I wake up with my eye in flames and think I have to go back to the doctor. Just looking at the picture now sends chills of memories of how much it hurt down my spine.

So, one week later here I am again with paper, blocks and ideas ready to go. I can't print during the day because I can't get a block of time secured while watching blee. But unless I have the energy to stay up late there is no printing tonight because of that meeting. And since I am still sick I don't think staying up late is advisable. But do artists always do what is advisable? I remember how spontaneous I used to be.

So I am left with Friday and the weekend. I can't waste it this time around.

But then I am depressed about my work, wondering why I should even bother creating it at this point. Thinking that it isn't valid work anymore. That I should just keep taking pictures of blee and forget about making art altogether.

I want to be making art right now while she is being good but I am filled with this fear. I think maybe I could get my inks out and do some printing and it will be okay if I have to stop, I've done it before and it didn't go too badly. Have I lost the passion?

I wish it wasn't so cold outside we could go for a walk.

Hope my readers are having a better day/ week/ month than I am. I'm going to make myself a cup of tea. Parts of my day that I have been lacking since getting sick is yoga and drinking a cup of tea in the morning. Maybe I should put new batteries in the Balance Board of the Wii and do some yoga and Hula Hoop in Wii fit. Maybe maybe maybe.

6 comments:

Michelle Brunner said...

I totally understand what you mean about getting the art done. I have felt super unmotivated as well and am just now finally getting out of an art funk. I find that if I just start to do it I end up enjoying myself and feel better for at least getting some stuff accomplished! It is important to nurture your health and friendships also though. Art can be so demanding! Your artwork is beautiful please don't stop creating!

mizu designs said...

Every creative person I know feels like that from time to time. Just try to push through it. Force yourself to do anything creative even if small just to keep working (health permitting of course). A small doodle in your sketch book is enough. The fear will pass.

Phare-Camp said...

Marissa:

I totally understand. I caught the flu last month just as the flu shots had become available. I spent most of last month either sick or so depleted of energy I couldn't get anything done. I'm very behind on my masters project but each day I get a little more energy returns until yeah! Today I jumped out of bed charged and ready to print! I forgot to eat I was so excited about printing.

Marissa take care of yourself and give yourself some time to heal. If we try to push too much when we are recovering from illness then we risk running ourselves down. Artists are horribly guilty of doing this to ourselves as we are obsessively compelled to make stuff.

CT said...

Don't forget the art as it will not forget you. Your work is beautiful...and your inspiration will return when you recover. - CT

Fi said...

Oh I completely understand! You haven't lost your passion Marissa - it's just hiding under a heap of lost time. I am a printmaker too - also a mum of a young bundle (mine is now 3 and things are getting easier timewise) and I have sat there thinking all the same things but I promise it will get better (and worse, but then better and so on :)). I have 4 plates waiting to ink and press. I should have printed them 2 weeks ago but my son was ill, then I followed suit etc etc. I love your prints and your style - and I look forward to seeing more when time and energy allow. Fi

Marissa L. Swinghammer said...

Thanks for the support everybody. I haven't meant to neglect this blog so much. I did print yesterday and today for the first time in months. Nothing is finished yet but very soon. And I have some totally new things in the works. I wish I had more time and energy.

My eye is 100% better.