Saturday, July 14, 2007
Oh noes! Tragedy and pain.
I found a couple cool things while cleaning. That makes me happy. I could see the floor again and that gave me a sense of accomplishment.
Then I realized this morning that I probably threw away one of my two favorite pieces while I was in my cleaning frenzy. A piece I had been holding onto for myself and stupidly put off framing. I've looked but it doesn't look good. I've decided that I am going to try and "remake" it though that is completely impossible. The colors are so subtly and randomly varied there is just no way. But maybe I can get something that I like? It is really all I can do. But I expect the magic that was in the original will be lacking from anything now.
To top everything off while looking for the missing piece I found one of my old journals. A journal from when we first got married and things were not so good. Some people know this about us, but many do not. Our marriage started off very rocky. I shouldn't have opened the pretty little pink and red journal but I did. Didn't get any farther than a couple of sentences but the damage is already done. I tossed it in total disgust. What a self pitying pain in the butt, not willing to do things to make our marriage better bitter bitch I was. I was 24 at the time, but acted more like I was a spoiled teenager. I don't even deserve him. I can't believe he stuck with us through all this. I thank God that everything was able to change. That I was able to change because while of course we have fights here and there just like any couple that world that we lived in just a few short years ago is now miles away. This baby is being brought into a marriage filled with love. By the time I got pregnant things were better. I'm pretty damn lucky.
He is off right now getting me an iced coffee and a bagel. Yup, I've got it good.
Thanks for letting me vent. Happy weekend. I am going to try and cheer myself up. Get some paper ready and attempt to make something pretty.